Dear Family,
Some of you might know that last week is Special Education Awareness week. As someone who has worked with these kids first hand I know how amazing they are and how they are truly angels in this life and the next. With this said, I have thought long and hard about what I wanted to say over the last year or so to not offend anyone but to also resolve an issue I have noticed within our family. The term “retarded” often gets thrown around to imply when something is stupid or dumb. I know this word is not a curse word, and I know it is often seen as only being politically correct to not use that word but to me it means much more.
Like I have said I have worked with the mentally disabled and know the joy and struggles that they experience, and also how they are really just like anyone else. But when working in the school system and seeing them getting teased and getting called “retarded” it hurts.
I do not want to preach to anyone, I don’t want to offend anyone, and I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty. But what I do want to do is make everyone aware. I know we are a family of 40 people and we don’t always get along, we don’t have the same views on things but I wanted to ask if we could all be more respectful in this regard.
I love you all and again I hope I have not hurt anyone’s feelings but this has been something that has affected me for a while and I just wanted to get it out there in the open.
Love Shannon.
12 comments :
I've found it interesting how word meanings change over time. I remember when my children were young and the word "gay" started to have a totally different meaning from when I grew up and it was used in poetry and Primary songs to mean joyful and happy. It makes me sad that now you can't use it for its true meaning.
I think the word "retarded" has also changed in meaning. Again, when I grew up this was the proper term to use for someone with mental handicaps. I think now it is simply meaning stupid and is not meant as a slur to a person. But Shannon, I understand your position on how you feel about the word, and will be more conscious of my use of the word.
I agree with Ricki. I use the word often to express something as stupid. It has no bearing at all on those individuals that suffer handicaps of some kind. The meaning of the word has changed. I am not offend and I do not feel guilty since I never meant the word in the way that you are referring to it. I am aware that it bothers you, since you brought it up while living here, and will be cautious around you.
So are you asking us to not use the word at all? I'm glad you brought this to our attention, but I guess I'm confused in what you're asking in it. The only time I've ever used it was to mean stupid, just like Magi said. I'll try to be more careful around you, and especially as I will be in the elementary schools soon, I'll try to use it less if that is how it is taken nowadays, more than what it's meant by as just stupid (not against a person).
I think it is "sick" that you would feel comfortable enough to say something Shannon. The straight "dope" is that we could all probably be a bit more careful. I think it is quite "queer" when people get offended at words. Heck you can hardly smoke a "fag" without it bothering people sometimes (even though I never would). But it makes me "gay" to think about just being more careful. I think it is "sweet" that you care. Well, I am out- I am going to go and eat some "spam". I hope you all enjoy reading my "text".
Yeah, I know I am "cool", but Magi says I am "hot", Maybe I am just "phat". (oops- spelling error)
I hope the "server" does not drop this "thread"! :)
-Tom
Thank you guys for being more willing to not use it around me. I appreciate it. And heather sorry if i am being confusing, i am mostly not trying to be demanding and point fingers at anyone.
My point is, bluntly, that people use that word to say stupid or dumb and to someone who is mentally retarded its in turn calling them stupid.
The term retarded still can and does mean to have a mental disability but it however in no way ever means to be stupid.
Yes times have changed and the word, like many others, has a new meaning to some. But my point is that to people who have disabilities they view it as a slur word and as a put down.
I have known kids and adults who get very hurt when people use this word to mean dumb because they see it as them calling mentally retarded people dumb, which they are not.
Any-who all i am trying to say is that we have to be careful what words we use because we never know who can hear us, and we never know who gets hurt by it.
And so i guess what i am saying, like magi and mom, try not to use it around me because i have seen the other side of it and its not a pretty thing to see.
Thanks again!
Heather I am just curious, have you taken a ed class talking about this stuff? Like word choice? i don’t know about you but i had a teacher who had a whole 3 week section on us being teachers and how our word choices affect kids negatively and positively.
HAHA tom you just made my day!
I'm so glad our family can talk about this without people getting offended or offensive! That's why this post begins with Shannon mentioning that Special Education Week was LAST week (she was so worried about offending, she really thought and prayed about and edited the post since last week. And thank you to everyone who said, in essence, "I will try to be respectful of your feelings." That just shows how great you all are!
As for the word taking on a new meaning, I agree, "retarded" has a different, non-offensive meaning for most people. However, I think its fair to assume that many if not all the people who live/work with, or are related to the mentally handicapped find the new meaning of "retarded" to be extremely offensive. Should we then use the word? Would it be right to use the word around those who don't mind it?
Obviously, no one here would use the "N" word to describe something as a negative stereotype of black people (To use one of grandma's, "lazy as a n*****"). But is it much different to say "that's retarded" when stupidity is a negative stereotype of the mentally handicapped?
I mean, where do you think the "new" meaning of retarded came from?
Honestly, it is up to each of us to get offended by a word. However, that is no excuse for using language that IS offensive, at least to many people (often many more than we realize, since not everyone has the bravery to say something). If you don't think so, just imagine if people started using the "F" word interchangeably with sex, and then being told "its up to you to get offended, and anyway, to me, it just means sex."
Obviously, this is not as offensive a word as the "F" or "N" words, but our words DO hold power.
That's just my feelings on the matter, anyway! I don't mean to preach, and I only broke myself of the habit of saying retarded a couple years ago.
And Tom, I think people stopped using half of those words in the 70s. For rizzle my brah!
I agree with Aaron, though Roy and I wonder if the whole "F" word for sex thing you got a little backwards. Didn't it originally mean sex, and then people started using it as a cuss word? Not the other way around? Whatever, it doesn't matter and we get the point of what Aaron was trying to say.
Roy asked if this was going to turn into something. I instantly knew it wasn't just because Shannon and Aaron are obviously trying to go about this with love and support. Just don't get really mad or easily offended if I accidentally let it slip without realizing it as I try to stop using it, okay? Because, obviously, I don't mean it offensively to you, or anyone else.
I think a part of what this all comes down to is what the prophets have counseled us on. Be accepting of everyone and everyone's feelings, but don't get easily offended. On both sides of this issue (saying it and not wanting it to be said).
well the F word has been said to be an acronym for "fornication under the consent of king" but no one REALLY knows.
Heather i would never get mad at you or anyone for that matter if it slips up around me. And i try not to get offended, but the times when i do get mad or offended is when people use it excessively and as an actual insult. which knowing many of you that doesnt happen, lol.
And Aaron was trying to think of what the prophets said regarding that! Ha thats just funny how we remember these things.
Just thanks again for being so understanding everyone. Like heather said i am just trying to be loving.
Love you ALL!
When we first moved to Santa Cruz I had a friend named Chelsea who broke me of this habit. I agree with Shannon, and I think the point Aaron made was very valid and astute. I agree with Shannon, but I still wanted to post a funny response to it to bring to the forefront another issue with words this family has :D
Love you guys, and am glad this family cares about the feelings of others and does not easily take offense. Bravo, Shannon!!
“He who takes offense when offense was not intended is a fool, yet he who takes offense when offense is intended is an even greater fool for he has succumbed to the will of his adversary.”
― Brigham Young
That said, I know I need to break that bad habit as well. While I believe words in and of themselves are mostly neutral, its the context and intent that make them "good" or "bad", it breaks my heart to think I might offend any of my brothers or sisters who are mentally challenged by my thoughtless choice of words.
Thanks Shannon and Aaron for voicing your concerns, I'll do my best to avoid this slur as well.
(My blind friend Aaron pretends to get upset if I or anyone around him says "lame". I thought he was serious at first, until he said "getting offended at words is gay." :-P)
Interesting, thought-provoking video giving the perspective of someone who has to deal with this label:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn70gPukdtY
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